TIME FOR... ASK DR. DINKUS THE LEARNOSAURUS
DR. DINKUS: Today, we have a letter from Daisy Chain, she writes, "I've met someone online! I'm having him over for dinner and I want to make a good first impression. What is the preferred way to let toilet paper hang? Over the roll or under?" Good question Daisy Chain! The truth is, it depends. Each roll of TP has a distinctive grain and feels unique. Follow a few easy steps to ensure your internet Romeo doesn't flush your heart down the crapper on account of an abrasive encounter. I bypass store-bought toilet tissue entirely and micro manage my own stock. Mix one part balsa pulp with two parts 300 thread count Egyptian cotton into a fine mush and press into sheets. Comb the paste so that the grain runs parallel to your buttocks. You'll be his number 1 when he goes number 2!